welcome to the life of the anti emo-ist

ho hum

2005-12-29T05:23:00.000-08:00

hahahaha. i hate emo crap and guess what? i'm listening to that stupid craig david song. what's it called? ah fuck. i dunno. some rain outside my window. oh wait! it's called i just don't love you no more... i think. stupid. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. STOP STOP STOP!

i'm in cheryl's place right now. the little minions are playing blackjack behind me. christmas has been screwed. it'a been pathetic. it's been BORING. seriously. we fell asleep while trying to kill time. brilliant i tell you. oh well.

went cheekies on christmas. what an even better idea. ): spent the whole night freaking out cause i thought i was gonna get banged. uh oh. false alarm. THANK GOD!

friends are crap. no friends. no more friends. well. some of them anyway. i want new friends. nice new freiends. no more backstabbing please. hypocrites. sick sick sick.

i'm bored of blogging. ah whatever. new blog new blog. heh. eeeew. dun use the word heh. she does. yuck yuck yuck. well. ola then.

2005-12-05T06:02:00.000-08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! my feet hurt. ): i wanna cry. i've been walking all day long along heeren. I HATE THOSE WHITE THINGAMAGIGS THAT THINK THEY'RE ALL ALMIGHTY!!!!! they are so rude. THEY KEEP TREATING ME LIKE A FRIGGIN DISEASE EVERYTIME I OFFER THEM A PAMPHLET! well excuuuuse me, i'm just doing my job.

i think i'm a mutant. my blood's green. well. at least i think it is. there's this green spot on my butt of my jeans. everyone thinks it's my period. well. if it is THEN I'M A MUTANT!!!!!! arghhhhhhhhhh.

i'm so tired. using smoothie;s lappie again. lala's outside having a smoke. bad girl. she never listens. smoking kills.

my throat's aching again. it hurts it hurts it hurts. i feel like stuffing a toilet brush down my throat. ):

she's a pain in my ass. yes. she makes me soooo mad. the end.

2005-11-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

well well well. here i am. sitting at habour front well bastian gorges on his lunch. geez. lookslike evryone's getting a laptop nowadays. sheesh you should check out his lqaptop. it's so small i could, i could stuff it in my pocket. well. not really.

jitterbugs are setting in. it's grad night tmr. it's make it or break it day. why do i have this feeling nothing will go spiffy and that i might spend the last night with my friends crying. i dun want to. i want it to be good. i'm tired of fighting. so let them if they want to. i want out. so what if they destroy the supposedly best night of our school life, i'll just take it in and spend it with people who truly care.

i've been invited to go bungee jumping. ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? i guess you are. but hey. it sounds like fun. let's see if i can bug my parents to sponser my death defying request. (:

what's it like being attached again? i dunno. maybe it'll work. maybe it won't. we'll see. i'm not too affected by it like how i was when i was with her. oh well. i'm willing to try again. but this time, i really dun want to get that emotionally attached. i might just end up one big emotional wreck again. fuck.

clubbing was fun that night. acting and dressing trashy sure has it's perks. (: haha. thanks chickas for a really swell time. let's do it again and pray that some hottie hits on us instead of some guy old enough to be our daddy or some bloke who's got two left feet. haha. but it was worth the laughs and experience.

i think bear's bored now. i should go keep him company. toodles!

GOODYE AMIGOS!

2005-11-21T01:19:00.000-08:00

you're such a BIG disappointment. i think you already know it. but as usual you don't care. i'm glad you've replaced me. i've never felt better. at least now i know what kinda friend you are. a fair weather one. haha. you are disgusting.

and then there's that other one. fun huh? POSER! i started it. you followed. ALL HAIL KRISTLE! THE MIGHTY TRENDSETTER! (: poor child. i guess you never had a proper identity.

dear mr teoh,
if you ever see this. which i hope you will. please don't be sad. there's no reason to be. students, just like friends come and go. you give them your life, your time, your care, your love. and in return. you get a dagger sticking out of your back. i made a mistake, i'm only human. but you see, they call themselves christians, catholics even. but you know what? they don't know how to forgive. so ignore these wretched souls. they don't deserve all your concern or help. leave them. maybe one day they'll realise how stupid, ungrateful and low they are.

grad night's even closer now! (: i really can't wait. today. we made plans to get our nails done in kovan! fun. haha.

you know. i really can't stand it when people you treat nice tend to be a bitch when someone complains bout you to them. these people need a life. no. they need a hug. sad emo people. kinda sad that she's losing her hair too. should recommend her to beijing 101. i heard it's good. wait wait. there's 2 of them. ahah! soryy. 2 of them. one's really pretty. such a pity her hai's falling. and the other. errr. she's not pretty. how do i describe her? let's be nice. she's apparently a punk.

spoil my grad night. i'll spoil your dress. don't dare me you useless bunch of 'children'. wahaha. yes. perfect name. couldn't have picked a better one.

today's bio paper was screwed. i'm gonna fail. oh well. chinese gone, art gone, science gone, humans gone. so kristle's gone.

oh well. not suprising anyway. i'm bound to be a goner. ciao.

shakin that booty

2005-11-17T00:11:00.000-08:00

birthday's coming! SUPER COOL! (: which means an endless amount of alcohol being poured down my throat and me lying in the middle of the road laughing like i'm high on ganja. wahahahaha! i can't wait. 18! say it with me now. e-i-g-h-t-e-e-n! like finally. but like i've told my friend. big deal. it's not like i haven't touched ciggies or liquoer before. ah heck.

grad night's coming. i'm gonna look so pretty. yes? (: YES! like soooo pretty. hahahaha. i'm so happy today. even though ah boy's blaring techno in the back ground. lots of lalalalalala going on right now.

ahahaha. i'm such a bloody mood swinger. currently. i can't be more happy with my life. 3 more papers. someone who loves me silly. family whom i can't live without and a bunch of close knit friends that i hope i'll never lose. (no one said they're from schhol. oops!)

bring on the booze and let me party my life away. i've waited too long for this. i wanna get out and away. thank you god!

lot's of stuff lined up one after the other. my sweet 18th, grad night, the anniversary, and christmas!!!!! :D :D :D did i tell you i love christmas?!!! YES YES YES I DO!

oh and winston. homestar is the man. thank you alisha for introducing him to me. oh. and you can go on rattling that i'm no potter fan lisha. i dun give a damn. i only worship draco malfoy. no other. toodles.

the end is near!

2005-11-11T05:05:00.000-08:00

midway through the o's!!!! woo hoo. just 4 more papers to go and it's time to let my hair down and get completely wasted! (: i'm sorry. did i say hair? what hair. oh well. it's growing okie. grad night's coming. probably be the worst school event ever. it's supposed to be a night i won't forget. and trust me. it will be a night i won't forget. i wonder who i'll make cry for the last time?

once the exams are over. i guess i'll see who really makes an effort to stay in touch. i've actually given up that notion of trying to keep these present bunch of friends. i mean. if they can't be bothered. neither can i. i don't belong in class anymore. i just want out. away from all these hasstles and be around people i love. like old friends. and spend many a happy moment being cheerful and myself. i hate playing this game of charades. i must stop.

i like someone. and this person knows. which can either be good or bad thing. whichever. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. i should go now. i still have to make a long journey home. yes. i shall then.

let's ponder.

2005-11-02T01:44:00.000-08:00

hmmm. you know that feeling of being made use of again and again and again? not by one person but by multiple people. i do. or maybe paranoias acting up. yet again. i'm at nick's place now. and in need of the solace of a computer. i need someone to let out my frustrations to and not have a earful back in return. i'm glad no one comes here anymore. at least i still have some sort of privacy. i ditched the diary already. too much sad stuff in it to look back on.

she's got someone new. i heard. at first i just kept telling myself not to bother. but today something snapped. and all i wanted to do was yell and stomp around like a child again. but i can't do that apparently. i have to act my age, all 18 years of it. oh well. i shouldn't be stupid anyway. she's so stubborn, so insensitive and so... young? yea. she's young. i should go find someone older, wiser, someone more worth my time. well. that's what everybody says. hah. let me see you get over someone you love so fast. oh my god. did i say i love her? yea. i guess i do. but i don't want to. not anymore.

o levels are a mere 5 days away. i haven't touched my books at all. all hail the failure of the o's! i asked for it. hmmm. i'm more into dreaming bout all the partying i'll be doing after the exams. well. that's what i planned. let's see if it happens. rarely anything i plan happens. i'm more the heat of the moment person. being all impromptu. (:

you know. i feel better. a lot better. i think. stuff between the axis hasn't really been cleared up yet. and i guess it never will. pros and cons to it though. i just hope something like this doesn't happen again. maybe we won't be close again. but hey. at least they'll be around. i think. oh well. the saying time can heal all wounds? we'll wait and see then.

i think i owe gwen an apology. maybe i was too rash when i said those things. and i admit. my words can be pretty tactless and sharp when i don't think before speaking. I'M SORRY.

another huge apology is to alisha. of all people. i shouldn't have been so harsh on you. i guess i just wanted you to feel the hurt i did. i'm sorry lisha with all my heart. it's probably my biggest regret this year.

kwai fung. i thought we were close. close enough to overcome any obstacle. but i guessed wrong. but it was nice having you around while you were. thanks for everything. i'm sorry things haven't been working out for you. like you told me once. i'm here for you, i now say the same thing back. if it means anything to you.

sam. hmmm. i thought we were close too. but i guess i'm not as close to you as i held our friendship as close to me. but hey. we're still friends. i think. so we'll start from there. yup.

my birthday's coming. i really hope it goess well this year. yup. finally 18! (: i really hope the ogre will bend the rules for me now. i think i've waited a really long time for the final day where i finally get to savour absolute freedom.

grad night's coming! our one last night to shime. it can either be the best night of our lives or the worst. i'm crossing my fingers tight. i want this to be a night to remember that when we look back on it. all we can do is grin like an idiot.

callix. thanks hon. for everything. for listening. standing by me. and the most important, standing up for me! i may have done a lot of fucked upo things this year. but i thank god that you overlooked them and still stayed around when others didn't. i love you so much!

cordelia! haha. you're probably the most suprising of anybody i would have expected to be there for me! our relatuionship's so up and down. but thanks. i am eternally grateful. with our recnt bond of friendship blooming. i sure hope i get to keep you for a long long looong time! much love!

oh po po. i definitely haven't forgotten you. our friendship may have headed for a downturn last year but i'm glad it's cleared up now. thank you dear! (: love.

okie. nick's probably getting really bored. he just walked out of the room. i shouldn't hog the laptop for so long anyway. ciao!

just a lil bit

2005-10-06T03:06:00.000-07:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't take the stress anymore. ): i'm gonna die. i have zits sprouting on my face like flowers in the spring?!!! HELP ME!!! and school's super screwed you know that. i get a tummy ache every morning in the bus cause i'm so scared of what's gonna happen in school. bleah. it's been a somewhat interesting week. loads of things happened. some nice. some not so nice. some really dramatic. but hey. let's just wait for it to blow over. everyone's still really tensed. yup.

it's terrible you know. to be chucked aside. and then when someone else comes along. that person suddenly leaves. and all cause i said aomething at the wrong time. sometimes. i just wish my tongue would just fall outta my mouth and i become dumb. like permanently. i realosed i got really lousy timing. uh huh. right. whatever.

a happy belated birthday to cordelia! and a happy early birthday to xin jie! ah right.

i really can't be bothered to blog anymore. it's soooo boring. it doesn't give me that kick anymore. maybe it's cause the novelty wore off. or maybe it's cause i got nothing to bitch bout anymore. well. i do have stuff to bitch bout. but nothing i would blog about. yup. too many nosey parkers out there.

oh oh! i forgot. happy belated to rah too. not like anyone ever comes here to read anyway. well. i dunno. whatever. i'm off. ciao.

O V E R

2005-08-15T02:16:00.000-07:00

it's officially over. no more getting back. no more contact. NOTHING. i don't ever want to see you or hear from you again. be it whether i'm childish or not for acting like a spoilt brat or that i'm self absorbed. i'm through with you. no more madeline wee chia shin. it doesn't seem to bother you at all. so go. go to your friends your girl friends whatever. GOOD BYE.

tit for tat

2005-08-11T03:10:00.000-07:00

as always. i'm blogging at someone's house again. oh well. this time it's lisha's place. ran away from school once again. i don't know how long i'm going to do this whole, 'let's run away from art and pretend that the o levels are never coming!' ignorance is however, bliss. hah.

i'm pms-ing today. and it sucks. i'm just flowing and flowing and flowing?! i think like 1/4 of a girl's allowance goes to stupid sanitary napkins which is really dumb since it's just a load of cotton and paper compressed together to absorb blood. and at such crazy prices. man. what a rip off. ): (excuse me. it's just the cramps talking)

what a boring day. except for the fact that i was staring at bouncey's stalker. it's like me stalking her stalker. hahaha. she was soooo freaky. she kept amiling to herself everytime she looked at bouncey. and it wasn't as if she was looking secretly. geez?! she was openly gawking. it was some serious shit man. eek. oh well. other then that, we just had some people come round the school for a career seminar. whao. i haven't even thought bout aftr secondary school. and here people are telling bout what i should be in years to come. sorry. i'm a bum. whether you think it's right or not. i mean. hey. take one day at a time. no rush.

oh oh. and i got this power 98 tee shirt. it's nice. (: it's BIG. but it's still nice!

blood is thicker than water. i'm glad all the stupid conflicts are over. i don't want anymore. they hurt. it's great to know that there'll be no more harsh words exchanged! (:

cheerios.

prelimenary death

2005-07-28T02:25:00.000-07:00

hello hello! i haven't touched a keyboard in eons! oh. the smoothness of the keys, the rolling effect of the mouse. it's so stimulating. (:

i'm at monica's house. was s'posed to meet maddy and haribos but it got cancelled. so yup. i'm slacking at samy's, although i should be mugging for the math paper tomorrow. oh well. i probably will later. just not now. now i'll just sit and stare into the monitor till i find something more interesting to do.

art's a killer. haven't touched it at all. don't want to. just staring at the canvas maks me want to rip it up. the materials so thin anyway. just a little tug and it'll tear,. but it's so friggin expensive lar! 20 bucks a piece?! and i have 3. this is serious shit man. i can't even paint for nuts. my colour coordination is fuck.

you know. i still can't believe gramps is gone. it was so sudden. well. actually it wasn't. i mean. i know i was mentally preparing myself for his departure. but the call. i wasn't expecting it at all. i didn't even believe it. i'm still living in oblivion. the guy in the coffin didn't look like him. he was so shrivelled and sunken. my gramps didn't look like that. i hated walking into the nursing home. it was like entering the twilight zone. time seriously felt as if it stopped. then there were people crying. it felt surreal. my mom completely lost it. she went ballistic. she was hysterical.

that was the closest i've been to a corpse. the blanket used to cover his body was the only thing that prevented me from staring into the face of a stranger. i didn't break down as much as i thought i would. i guess i'm still living my big lie bout him not being dead. oh well. sue me.

it's hard to say goodbye

2005-06-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

i dunno how many people will come across this entry. or if they even know i have a blog. well. honestly. i don't really care. cause i'm online and in the mood to say sad sappy stuff cause i'm ina lousy mood. i always am. oh well.

it's officially over. at least i think it is. and well. it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would. but hey. it still hurts and it sucks. this is something i'd wish on my mortal enemy. it is kinda sudden though. well. i did open my yapper and this is the outcome. but hey. it takes 2 hands to clap. and she has a part toplay in this too okie. damn...

i hope i get over this stupid phase soon. don't wanna get all ddpressed during prelim period. whatever. i'm done.

never let your guard down.

2005-05-24T00:55:00.000-07:00

i hate my life. probably the worst pangs of hate i've had in months. and all cause of you. you hurt me so bad you know. so bad. i can't even be bothered to blog bout it. tired of trying to let people see it through my point of view. friends are on your side as well. sigh...

haha. i hate the school. and the school hates me. i've never felt so much despise for a place before. never. i always thought school was said to be like a second home. i guessed wrong.

i've hated other people worse. but i never thought i'd hate you. you were always an annoying thorn that was easy to ignore if you didn't think bout it. but who would have thought the thorn could be so fatal. you screwd up butch. i hope you get what you deserve.

friends or foes. whatever you are. i've learnt not to trust you with anything. blame it on paranoia or not. but i feel your eyes watching me when my back's turned. i hear your words of spite and anger when i pretend to be asleep. you guys make me sick. children of god. i think not.

teacher, friend, compadre. you will never be. you tell me lies that you expect me to eat up like a puppy left out in the cold. i hate you. you've broken that breech of trust a teacher was to have with a student. or maybe it never existed. holy catholic? my foot.

good frens DON'T exist.

2005-05-06T08:50:00.000-07:00

talk about bored. everyone's either sleeping or lost in their own world. even the dog's ditched me to go lie down at tracy's feet while i surf. bummer.

MAJOR UPDATE! i officially hate school. yea. i know. i always hate school. but this time. it's really bad. i really really hate it. so what if some teacher comes by to see this blog. i'm not bitching bout no one. betcha 10 bucks that at least 5 teachers in the school hate it just as much. but they got no choice but to stay there. poor fucks. [pls be gently reminded teachers. that this is to no one in particular.] yea right. bah.

stupid napha test. geez. give us a darn bloody break. it's not as if we need to do 28 pull ups to get us out of school. so why the big hoohaa? yea. the results were altered. but did you have to book us. i praised myself for not getting booked at all this year. but for what? haha. to get booked over the most insignificant of results. yes. i admit. alteration of marks is cheating. so i cheated. not to do better. to do worse. so i could take a lousy re test to prove to you i can do better than you think. and what was with the whole public annoucement bout what my classmate made? thanks for rattling on us friend. you WERE supposed to be our friend., and then you turn around and stab us in the back?! thanks. god truly loves you...

i don't have friends. i thought i did. aquaintances... i have many. friends. maybe a handful. non worth mentioning. cause they're like insects. they buzz to you sometimes. then the fleet off. not around for the whole time. just when they need to be. or when they need someone. yea. so. wait. are they friends at all? go figure.

and YOU! i am sick and tired of mood swings. of ignorence and of the fact you take advantage that i'll always be around. well i won't. once this year's over. i won't be there to pat you on the back. or to tell you i care. it's adious pal.

skank alert!

2005-04-26T00:04:00.000-07:00

lalalalalalala!!!! salvation! i have once again taken over the keyboard! hmmmm. at kwai's place now. everybody left me in the room. so now i can sit here nd think hard.

i am sooo hungry. there's like tons of food waiting outside to be devoured. yoghurt, and georges and dots and ruffs and wings and chocolates and everything fatty! yeah! lets pack on the pounds! (:

i left maddy in sch to come here. hmmm. she's pissed. i dun care. actually... i do. how? bleah. whatever. hmmm. wht happened in sch today? actually. nothing. we just had physics and bio practicals. i DID NOT break anything today at all! yeah. but a lot of other people did. wahahaha. screw you suckers!!!!! had pe. but it was pathetic. wa playing tee ball in my uniform cause i didn't bring my attire. ah. whatever.

getting so irritated with everyone lately. yup. sometimes people just can't keep their yappers shut. open it at the wrong times. stupid brainless lil pricks... i should go out and eat now. my tummy's growling. plus i got tuition tonight. bummer. i hate it. he's sooooo BORING! he's a bloody slow moving nerd. he moves as fast as my grandfather on a wheelchair. ola then!

kiss my furry lil bite size arse

2005-04-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

i'm in the com lab now. one of the few times i'll ever get my grubby fingers on a keyboard. i'm pissed. yes i am. wat i'm pissed bout? i dunno. it's just one of those days. dun you think my blog looks good now? holler kwai! thanks a bunch for helping me get it started. starting everything from scratch again. bummer.

was at lisha's place yesterday. swear it was sad. callix and all were finding it very humourous that a butch was getting raped. they were laughing like crazy while i kept smashing myself onto the cupboard and crying. it's horrifying. it's traumatic. it's sadistic. it's plain SICK! oh. the movie we were watching? 'boys don't cry' it's good i guess. potrays how the world faces homosexuality pretty well. honestly. there was porn in it too?! hahaha. talk bout graphic. we were laughing our balls off. if we had any. maybe we do. bleah. (:

i can't think of anything to say now. maybe cause susie's like watching our every move and i'm sneakily trying to do this while trying to do up my history assignment. i'll crash someone's place soon to update. ciao.

love me or leave me.

2005-04-17T00:53:00.000-07:00

am currently at kallang bahru praying that my first attempt in creating a blog will be a success. haven't blogged in ages. miss it like crazy. well. the bitching part only. so much to update. happy stuff. sad crap. and lots and lots of maddy inspired stuff too. wonder if this blog will be as memorable as the last. SCREW YOU EVIL BUG for killing off my previous blog. oh well. change is good i guess. staring at the same template all the time can get pretty boring. enough for now. back to doing up this thing. cheerios!